Breathe In, Breathe Out

In the 1984 film, The Karate Kid, a teen-aged boy who came to his teacher's home to learn karate was at first given only menial tasks:

Wax these cars--wax on with right hand, off with left hand, breathe in, breathe out. Sand this deck--right hand in circle, left hand in circle, breathe in, breathe out. Paint fence--wrist up, wrist down, right hand, left hand. Paint house, side to side, right hand, left hand.

Finally, the boy exploded: "You're supposed to be teaching me, but for four days I've been busting my ass and I haven't learned a goddam thing!"

"You learn plenty," said the teacher, and as the boy stormed off, commanded him to return. "Look into my eyes. Show me 'sand floor,' he commanded, and as the boy reluctantly made the circles with his right and then left hand, the teacher threw punches that were blocked by the boy's sweeping hands.

"Show me 'wax on, wax off,' show me 'paint the fence,' show me 'paint the house.'" As the boy made these deeply practiced and now spontaneous movements, the teacher demonstrated how each had its place in karate. When the lesson was completed, without a word of explanation, the teacher bowed.

Like the Karate Kid, I didn't "get" it, thirty years ago, during the first few days of an Enneagram workshop with Claudio Naranjo. I came with the expectation that I would be taught the steps to transformation, have my questions answered, and overcome my faults as an Enneagram style Nine.

"So why" I ranted to myself, "is he spending so much time on these meditation and relationship exercises, these visualizations? These have nothing to do with the Enneagram! When is he going to start teaching?"

"Close your eyes," said Naranjo, "breathe in, breathe out, imagine a holy light shining down through the top of your head and filling your whole body with love. Now, open your eyes and look at your partner. Do not speak. Breathe in, breathe out, and let this light shin through you to your partner. Do not respond when it is your partner's turn to speak, do not judge, simply be present with this person and with the light."

And so the workshop continued. "Simple" exercises deepened our understanding of how our habitual responses become engaged, the nature of our unconscious pay-offs for maintaining the status quo, how we stop ourselves from disclosing private thoughts because we have an image to maintain or because we fear the discomfort such disclosure might bring, how we project our shortcomings onto others (especially in close relationships).

With style Nine's self-forgetting, it was so easy for me to criticize events structured by others and so difficult for me to find myself. I saw how I had been captive to key Nine patterns--difficulty knowing what we want, looking for others to provide a structure and through that structure discovering what we don't want. I expected to be told how to remember myself. I didn't yet know I was remembering myself, that these experiences would reflect myself to me.

In Enneagram Spirituality: Compulsion to Contemplation, Suzanne Zuercher described the importance to transformation of active contemplation--as opposed to passive surrender to the process. Active contemplation is similar in concept to the Buddhist notion of mindfulness, carrying a posture of awareness, intention, and readiness throughout your daily life:

Awareness--of your Enneagram style and how it plays out uniquely for you.

Intention-- commitment to your own spiritual path.

Readiness--a holistic stance of invitation, of openness, as well as taking specific actions that shift your focus of attention (doing what is most difficult for you, inviting your unknown and disowned parts to come forth, staying present instead of avoiding or denying or projecting blame).

A Stronger Drink

Humor is a good antidote to untested assumptions and a marvelous way to elicit change at a symbolic level. It shakes us loose.

For example, in a workshop on Enneagram personality styles I handed out a variety of Slammers--bean bag toys that make a sound when you throw them down on a hard surface.

Participants had great fun with these, sometimes slamming them down on the table to make a point during the discussion.

• For those who worry overmuch about what could go wrong, their Slammer was a puppy that shouted, "Oh, no!" 
• For those who are so devoted to others' needs they forget their own, the Slammer had a puckered-up mouth and made the sound of a big, smacking kiss. 
• Those with my own peacemaking style tend to merge with others' agenda and fail to speak up for ourselves. When we threw our Slammers down. .  . they made no sound at all!

A friend says we Enneagram Nines are easy to tease and enjoy self-deprecating humor. That may be true. While reading Iris Murdoch's The Green Knight, I laughed out loud at this passage:

. . . she instinctively made all things better, speaking no evil, disarming hostility, turning ill away, making peace: her gentleness, which made her seem, sometimes, to some people, weak, insipid, dull. "She's not exactly a strong drink!" someone said.

Ironic that my favorite cocktail for many years was a Godfather. Hmmm. I might have been symbolically drinking strength.

As I've matured I've become a stronger drink, stepping up, shouting out; my artwork and my taste in poetry becoming less and less rule-bound.

My post-mastectomy t-shirt almost nine years ago read I LOST MY BOOBS, NOT MY SENSE OF HUMOR. And my son Dylan Schwab helped me create a Ta-tas rap.

I was inspired by Anne Hathaway, who is Sweetness personified (and I'm sure has very nice breasts), performing her paparazzi rap:

Out of the Box!

"I interpret things differently than most people," said Geier. "I find ways to innovate systems, but more often than not my suggestions are rejected without valid reasons. Instead of congratulations, I get resentment. This leaves me feeling bitter, I become disenchanted, my dedication starts to deteriorate, and I feel I've wasted my productive years aiming at the wrong goals. I cannot bear authoritarian organizations. Do you think there's any chance of finding a job that allows room to explore my ideas?"

Plato's "Allegory of the Cave" in Book VII of The Republic offers an apt metaphor for Enneagram style Four's experience that others can't see the possibilities they see. In this excerpt, Socrates symbolized the predicament of humankind:

Human beings have been living in an underground cave since childhood, their legs and necks chained so they can see only in front of them. Behind them is a fire, and between them and the fire a raised stage with marionette players working puppets. The truth they see is nothing but "the shadows of the images."

My Enneagram Four colleagues are excellent consultants who bring this gift of looking in from the outside. Because it's their job to figure out a way to communicate with organization members, consultants experience less frustration with the cleverness and subtlety required. They know they must listen patiently, to understand their clients' perspectives in order to influence them to change.

When internal to an organization, though, innovative thinkers typically become frustrated when people more interested in maintaining the status quo don't understand or accept their ideas.

They may assume if they can find a better way to describe their vision, people will say, "Ah, wonderful, let's go!" Not so.

To find appreciation for out-of-the-box ideas among others who play by the rules, you have to GET IN THE BOX WITH THEM and, from inside, examine the barriers to looking outside. You might find it's sufficient to simply improve what's already being done. If you're open to learning what the world looks like from inside the box of others' way of thinking, you'll see opportunities to help them break through from the inside.

We all trap ourselves in belief systems and then perceive the world through filters that reinforce our beliefs. So we all live in boxes of one sort or another, and until we're enabled to see the light outside the cave, we don't know how to break through.

The Enneagram is a powerful diagnostic tool precisely because it helps us see the boxes we're in. Style Fours are deeply in touch with their feelings, and tend to sink into moodiness if met by resistance to their ideas. The same talent that allows them to look outside the box can lead  to wondering why they never see things the way others do, and subsequently to question if they're flawed.

If you're sinking into bitterness from feelings of rejection (typical of Enneagram style Fours but not exclusive to that personality), say to yourself "Ah, I'm inside a box where I compulsively focus on myself as an outsider, a misfit. I've bought into this belief and keep myself from seeing the light outside." When you're feeling disenchanted, notice, "Ah, I'm inside a box again, playing out the belief that the grass must be greener somewhere else." When you see yourself as odd, say "Ah, I'm in a box of focusing on my flaws."

Even when thinking, "Oh, God, I'm in this box again, I can't bear it," continue to observe yourself without judgment. As you develop your capacity to be non-judgmentally mindful, you may seek a more rewarding job, but you'll also discover the possibilities of the job you're in. You'll see the whole picture, notice how your "flaws" are also strengths, and learn to champion your ideas in ways that inspire instead of challenge cohorts who do things "because they've always been done that way."